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Joke of the Day

"My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the arseholes asked me to turn it down."

"I bought my girlfriend a treadmill and a Victoria's Secret catalogue."

"BIRDMAN Little girl: ""Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"" Mother: ""Because he thinks he's a chicken."" Little girl: ""Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"" Mother: ""We need the eggs."""

"I broke up with my girlfriend today Now I need to buy that movie again!"

"I feel like I second guess myself too much. But then again I'm not really sure."

"Q: What is the difference between Dan Quayle Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda? A: Jane Fonda went to Vietnam."

"What car do polite cowboys drive? Audi!"

"What time does Sean Connery show up at Wimbledon every year? About tennish."

"Timothy's mom has three children. The first one's name is April. The second one's name is June. What is the third child's name? Timothy."

"One cigarette shortens your life by two hours, one bottle of vodka by three hours, and a workday eight hours."