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Joke of the Day

"In a spaceship... - Hey Yoda. Are we in the right way? - Of course we are. - Ok then... KEEP GOING GUYS, THIS IS THE RIGHT WAY."

"""Alcohol doesn't affect me"" *Wakes up with cornrows, a light saber and two taxidermy lizards*"

"The opposite of a nightmare is a morningstallion."

"I asked a cute statistician if I could get her phone number. She said probably not."

"Her: You into S&M. Him: Sure. Her: Good. *ties him to bed post* Him: Oh yeah. Her: Ready...? Him: Torture me! Her: *plays Nickelback*"

"Thanks, student loans, for getting me through school I don't think I could ever repay you"

"What's a balloon's favorite genre of music? Pop."

"So in The Matrix they feed you the liquified remains of the dead through a tube but you get to sleep and be online all day? I'm listening."

"So there are three nuns walking down the street and a streaker runs by... The first nun has a stroke, the second nun has a stroke, but the third, the third nun doesn't touch him."

"Never marry a girl whose mother's name is Hope.... because 'Hope' never dies."