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Joke of the Day

"""Sir, the UAV strike bombing missed the target."" ""Were we at least close?"" ""Not even remotely."""

"My companies biggest customer is the state of Missouri. I guess it's safe to say Missouri loves my company."

"Why does wonder woman fly? Because she can't drive for sh*t."

"I don't have a drinking problem, I'm very good at it"

"A Big Moron and a Little Moron Were on a Trestle The big moron fell off. How did the other stay on? He was a little more on..."

"What do you call a snarky criminal walking down stairs? A condescending con descending."

"In my experience there's two ways to get things done, the right way and the drunk way."

"I like my women like I like my Poke Stops. Ready to go again in 5 minutes."

"What's the difference between LSD and LDS (Latter Day Saints)? one you take with a sugar cube, the other with a grain of salt :P"

"If you need help staying awake, subtract sheep in your head."