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Joke of the Day

"I make love like a machine. Unfortunately it's a two-stroke engine."

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? (nsfw, like any good joke) I can't jelly my cock up your ass."

"I get bummed out when I end up being on time but I'd worked up a really solid ""why I'm late"" story."

"How many Marines does it take to change a lightbulb? Four, one to change it and three to comment on the changing."

"Why doesn't George R.R. Martin use a Twitter? Because he kills all 140 characters."

"Me: I'm completely lost. What's going on in this movie? Him: Lin, I just hit play 90 seconds ago. Me: Wow! New record."

"A teacher walks into a bar Guy: can I buy you a drink? Teacher: I don't know, CAN you?"

"This is serious as a heart attack but not one of those funny heart attacks. Those make me laugh."

"What is WILL.I.AM going to be called after he dies? WILL.I.WAS"

"The kids left w/my parents for a week. I plan to run around the house for an hour yelling ""woo hoo"", but after that my schedule is wide open"