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Joke of the Day

"I was reading earlier about a dwarf who got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?"

"Filling out application for new health insurance. Do you guys think ""sick of everyone & everything"" is considered a pre-existing condition?"

"When a dish comes out of the dishwasher still dirty, I just put it back in for another round, because I believe in second chances."

"What do the Greeks sing while at sea? your boat, gently down the stream..."

"What do you call an attractive zombie? Drop dead gore-geous!"

"Me: How was the party last night? 17: It was fun. The cops came. Me: What??? 17: Nah, it's cool. We got away. Me: That's my girl."

"Q: Why couldn't the animals on Noah's Ark play cards? A: Because Noah was standing on the deck!"

"Ive been told I'm not ambitious enough.... I've been told I'm not ambitious enough. If only there was an olympic sport for being a lazy bastard. That bronze medal would be mine."

"Just changed my dating profile headline to: ""Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives"" ...crossing my fingers"

"My GF bragged about the cat sleeping next to her I told her ""Yes, he seems to be attracted to the overwhelming aroma of fish"""