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Joke of the Day

"Me: How was the party last night? 17: It was fun. The cops came. Me: What??? 17: Nah, it's cool. We got away. Me: That's my girl."

"It's like squirrels don't even know how good they'd be at parkour."

"Just overheard someone say, ""I wish I had a Kindle that never ran out of batteries."" You know. Like a book."

"I just yelled 'Jayden' at the mall and now I'm a mom to like 20 kids."

"whats the difference between a girl and a bus? ""What's the difference between a girl And a bus"" ""What?"" ""As more people that go in the bus the tighter it gets"""

"I hope when I get old, my motorized wheelchair is fast enough the catch the ice cream truck."

"School is like a boner... long and hard, unless your Asian!"

"OP started a pizza place. They don't deliver."

"What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed? Sleep on the sofa."

"What's an Islamic extremist's favorite baseball team? The new york Jets"