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Joke of the Day

"Judge: All your responses to the questions must be oral. Do you understand? A: Yes Judge: What school did you attend in the fall of 1995? A: Oral."

"Don't date men who will hold open a door for you. Date men who will punch a squirrel in the face for chittering it's teeth at you."

"What did the blind man say when he walked into the fish market? ""Hello Ladies"""

"How do you make a duck sing soul music? Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? The get to the other side"

"And then one day we decided we were tired of sleeping in and doing whatever we wanted whenever we wanted in a clean house, and we had kids."

"January 1: GONNA WORK OUT EVERYDAY January 2: [works out] Jan 3: [kind of works out] Jan 4: [too busy to work out] Jan 5: VANITY IS BULLSHIT"

"Someone stole my mood ring. I really don't know how I feel about this."

"I went to buy a book about Bernie Sanders ...but it was sold out."

"3 guys walked into a bar to watch football... none of them knew what was going on."