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Joke of the Day

"Parent pro tip: Beware of the child who cleans their room without being prompted. They are about to ask to borrow money."

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"What do you call an upbeat and reasonable fortune teller? A happy medium."
"I like listening to Phil Collins in the shower. He gets creeped out when he sees me, though."
"Once, a bucket of Sodium Hydroxide slipped out of Skrillex's hands. He dropped the base."
"What is a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear Sir/Ma'am We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons: 1. Illegal Downloading"
"Here's to honor!... Get honor, stay honor. If you can't come in her. Come honor."
"How do you call a Mexican who lost his car? Carlos."
"What do wheat, gluten, and Arkansas have in common? They're all in bread."
"What do you call a Christian who visits shrines? A roamin' Catholic."
"If I held two sandwiches, one in each hand, would anybody consider that a balanced diet?"