200999

Joke of the Day

"""Y dnt u Muslims tell ISIS to stop"" Ok hold up *pulls out iphone* ""Yo ISIS habibi,its me plz stop"" ISIS:""ok habibi sorry,shisha tonight?"""

"An innovative new alternative to ironing your clothes Look shitty"

"If you encounter a bear in the wilderness, sing a Coldplay song. You'll die, but the bear will suffer too."

"How many ways are there to please a guy? Three way."

"Did you hear about the scarecrow who won a Nobel Prize? He's out standing in his field."

"Having sex is like playing bridge, If you don't have a good partner you better have a good hand"

"How many people with no humor does it take to change a lightbulb? One."

"Which of these is out of place in this list? Wife, Blowjob, Meat, Eggs. Well you can beat your meat, beat your wife, and beat your eggs, but you can't beat a blowjob!"

"[hospital] Looks like ur Vine went viral. ""Yay!"" Sorry ur VEIN went viral...you have a fatal blood disease. ""So waitmy Vine didn't go viral?"""

"I used to hate having athlete's foot... ...but it's growing on me"