22195

Joke of the Day

"""So why do you wanna work at Petsmart?"" *imagines running out of the store with all the dogs in my arms* ""I'm a people person."""

Next Joke
 
"Worst thing about having a one-syllable name: Every ""Happy Birthday"" singer stretches it out awkwardly to fit the song. ""Paaaa-aul"""
"Why did the friendzone kid love to spoon? Because sleeping on your side prevents suffocation"
"Never trust an Adam... ...because they make up everything."
"Why can't Thor play the piano or hide n seek with his brother? He can never find the Loki."
"Me: Give me some space, I'm feeling claustrophobic 8 whispers to 9: Leave Mom alone, she has to poop but she can't"
"I just submitted my penis as ""Innovator of the Year"" in 2009, for his pioneering work in solving womens hunger."
"How many people live in the lower part of Italy? There are literally Sicilians."
"I made my wife chuckle with this joke Now she's back to being Barbara."
"Can we please stop referring to them as ""dick pics."" I think ""penis portraits"" has a classy je ne sais quoi appeal."