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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a girl that can suck a lemon through a garden hose? Sweethaert. (an old one but still very very good)"

"*sees a couple of vacuum cleaners making out* ""Ugh, get a Roomba"""

"[after robots take over] *drones crash into my kitchen* ME: [mouthful of ham] whobithrayed me? *fridge starts laughing* BUT U WERE MY FABRIT"

"I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian ."

"Two guys are talking about their family histories... GUY 1: Hey, I heard you're Einstein's distant cousin. GUY 2: I'm not sure, really. It's just a theory of relativity."

"It's a long shot... but does anyone know a good joke about a sniper?"

"Where does the General keep hs armies? In his sleevies."

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take me a minute to get hard, I was just laid by this chick."

"Sex Survey Says The Kinseys did a survey of sexual practices in a town. Half the town admitted they masturbated. The other half lied."

"A mama's boy is frantically running out of a strip club yelling... MY MOMMA TOLD ME IF I EVER CAME INTO A PLACE LIKE THIS I'D TURN INTO STONE. AND I FEEL IT'S STARTING"