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Joke of the Day

"An Australian man walked in on his girlfriend getting changed and she said ""Have you heard of knocking?"" He said ""It doesn't ring a bell"""

"I finally found a diet plan that works. It's called ""The cost of food""."

"My boss incinerated that I use words incorrectly, applied that I was stupid & told me to watch my tardiness. I'm not even retarded."

"What did the Magician say when he took some Adderall? Hocus Focus"

"What do you call a criminal with an STD? A herpetrator."

"What's Trumps favourite super market? Walmart."

"What?s orange and rhymes with parrot? Carrot"

"I was asked to help design the first Monopoly board... I thought, I'll give it a Go."

"[calls wife] honey help 'whats wrong?' im done shopping at the door store but now i cant tell which one is the exit 'ok just stop crying'"

"So my drug dealer got me these new shoes.. And I don't know what he laced them with.. But I've been tripping all day"