190801

Joke of the Day

"I'm always just a bit disappointed when a liars pants don't actually catch on fire."

"I'm despondent. I'm chained to the phone charger. It's so fucking landline."

"Whats the difference between your job and a dead prostitute? Your job does not give you a raise."

"I remember when a minimum wage job was a stepping stone, not a career."

"[my cell phone rings] ME (a person who pays a monthly fee to allow this): Ugh why is this happening"

"The goldfish just gave me the ""just flush me"" look. No way pal. If I have to stay so do you."

"My neighbor just gave us a brand new dining set! I guess he was feeling particularly chairitable today."

"One fun thing about kids crying is trying to determine if they broke a crayon or got their arm stuck in a piece of farming equipment."

"My Estonian girlfriend gave me a BJ the other day When she looked up at me and said ""12 months!"""

"DOG BALLS Q: What do you call a dog that has balls of steel and is dragging them across cement? A: Sparky."