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Joke of the Day

"I remember when a minimum wage job was a stepping stone, not a career."

"Must be confusing for Sean Connery's grandchildren when he asks them to ""Come shit on my lap."""

"Some people are looking for the meaning of life. I'm still looking for the meaning of I licky boom boom down."

"My plan is simple. Drink Vodka until I start speaking Russian."

"Kim Jong Un Wins World Series Our dear leader has thrown a 27-pitch perfect game to win the World Series. He is such a beautiful pitcher, he makes every batter pop up as soon as they see him."

"What's an Impressionist's favorite condiment? Manet's."

"My sister had a threesome with two huge pornstars. Now she's not sure if she had a good time or not. Truth is, she's a little torn."

"What's the difference between a lawyer and an angry rooster? The rooster clucks defiance. ^Let ^it ^sink ^in."

"I've only been in jail for 5 minutes and I've already been raped. ... My uncle doesn't fuck around when he plays Monopoly."

"Onion is not the only thing that makes you cry! My friend thinks he is smart. He told me that an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face and he began to cry. haha"