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Joke of the Day

"Why do little girls carry goldfish in their pockets? Q: Why do little girls carry goldfish in their pockets? A: To smell like big girls."

"Trump isn't bad for the economy. Because of him, Correct the Record increased it's operational budget by 600%."

"What's a homophobic child's worst nightmare? A monster coming out of the closet"

"""It's 5 o'clock somewhere."" - a shitty watch."

"Why is the Statue of Liberty hollow? Because she's really French, and the French have no GUTS!"

"When Luke(Skywalker) fell in love with (Princess) Leia, you could say... he was looking for love in Alderaan places!"

"I have two requests for my funeral 1) be scattered at Disney Land 2) not to be cremated"

"When I was on the plane the stewardess asked, do you need some headphones?I said, Hell Yeah, but how did you know my name was Phones?"

"Never seen a bar fight break out while people are drinking wine. Beer, yes. Hard liquor, yes. But not wine."

"How do you identify a Vegan, Crossfitter, Navy SEAL, or tranny? Don't worry about it, they will tell you."