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Joke of the Day

"How can you tell if a person is a vegetarian? Don't worry. They'll tell you they're a vegetarian."

"8yo: Do we have a fire extinguisher? Me: Yes. 8yo: Where? Me:... 8yo: WHERE! 6yo: (from outside) It's spreading. Me: I'm up."

"What do you call it when a crow throws a party and no one shows up? An attempted murder."

"I often say to myself, ""I can't believe that cloning machine worked!"""

"If you're ever cold, stand in a corner. It's always ninety degrees"

"What do cannibals call family members they love? Bae-Kin"

"Idiots beating you down Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience."

"Push me aside, but I will come back. Hide me, but I will always emerge. I AM POWER. I AM RESILIENCE. I AM A BRA STRAP."

"There are smart men, handsome men, rich men, sexy men and sweet men and then there is the combination of all. We call that one a ""unicorn"""

"So apparently RSVP'ing back to a wedding invite 'maybe next time' isn't the correct response"