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Joke of the Day

"Oscar Pistorius wanted a new bathroom door... ...but his girlfriend was against it."

"PATIENT: Since I got this new job my feet are killing me. DR DOG: What's your job? PATIENT: Mailman DR DOG: *chases him out of room barking*"

"Obama: Please don't talk to me until I've had my morning cup of Joe. Joe: no please no more. Obama: shut up Joe. *takes a sip of Joe*"

"*opens up briefcase in court, revealing snakes* ""Wait. Then that means-"" [cut to my nemesis waking up surrounded by my opening statement]"

"Did you park the car in the garage? Wife arrives back home. Husband asks her: ""Did you park the car in the garage?"" She responds: ""Partly"""

"What do you call a prositute on her period? Unemployed."

"What do you get when you mix T and C? Angry British people!"

"If I ever wanted to kill myself... climbing up your ego and jumping down to your IQ level would get the job done."

"8 teens in the the garage. I hear the miter saw and drill going. I'm just going to sit back and let Darwin take care of things in there."

"Why aren't there any muslim stand-up comedians? Because they keep bombing."