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Joke of the Day

"*opens up briefcase in court, revealing snakes* ""Wait. Then that means-"" [cut to my nemesis waking up surrounded by my opening statement]"

"A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read: ""Here lies John Smith, a lawyer and an honest man."" ""How about that!"" he exclaimed. ""They've got three people buried in one grave."""

"""Could you eat scrambled eggs even if you had no saliva?"" and other things my wife did not want to talk about at brunch"

"Why did Germany lose WW2? Three Reichs and you're out"

"Why are there no homosexual traffic lights? They can't change, even if they try."

"I had a bad audition... ...but I acted like I didn't care."

"A man goes to the library and asks for the book ""Psycho the Rapist"".. The librarian slaps him and says it's ""Psychotherapist""!"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Alva ! Alva who ? Alva heart !"

"In North Korea, you actually do get freedom of speech. Just not freedom *after* your speech."

"Old man Manelli is cooking a chicken on a rotisserie in his front stoop When a hippy walks by. He stops, looks up and says: ""Hey man! The music stopped and your monkeys on fire"""