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Joke of the Day

"Why are programmers so consumeristic? Because they're object oriented."

"How many controlled oposition does it take to change a light bulb? None you know of. Since they signed a Non Disclosure Agreement to not talk about it."

"What do you call it when an immigrant and a pedophile get into a fight? Alien Vs. Predator"

"when life gives you lemons, use their natural acidity to temporarily blind your opponent"

"I wanna get HAMMERED tonight. Seriously? Yeah, drunk as hell, bro. Riiight. Of course, of course. *quietly slides hammer back into sleeve*"

"How do you kill a guy with a coconut allergy? You put a bounty on his head."

"A man walks into a bar. By the way, I'm the guy who accidentally knocked over Usain Bolt. Sorry, I'm not good with segways."

"Are you looking for work spreading the word of Jesus? Because I can offer you the missionary position."

"I'm going to leave the presents out and hide my kids in the closet until Christmas."

"What do you do when your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down"