181951
Joke of the Day
"[being carried away by a colony of ants] haha nice let's see where this goes"
Next Joke
"When you get turned on by the idea of the government watching you masturbate That's just you feeling Illumi-naughty."
"""Sorry I haven't been tweeting much lately."" guy who actually thinks people notice when he's not tweeting"
"I keep getting claustrophobic in elevators. I've been taking steps to avoid it."
"Everyone says I should sign up for a 401k but I don't think I can run that far."
"I just saw an old guy pick a rubber glove out of a garbage can and put it on, and I think he might be missing the point of rubber gloves."
"Thought my Siamese twin was giving me the cold shoulder. Turns out he was dead."
"anyone hear about this gravity discovery proving einsteins theory correct? I hear its really making a wave"
"[slowly rises from trashcan while 2 friends are making plans without me] i am also free that day."
"I lost my watch at a party... Saw a guy stepping on it while bullying a smaller dude. I walked up to the guy, and punched him. It's not okay to bully... not on my watch."