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Joke of the Day

"If someone calls me a sir one more time I will literally wear a top hat and a monocle and roll my eyes so hard you will not survive."

"How do you unload a truck load of puppies? With a pitchfork"

"Sanders is blaming Trump for violence at his rally... because you can't truly be a National Socialist until you can excuse your brownshirts violence."

"Taking a nap is like sex..... It's never as good as you had hoped for but better than nothing."

"What did Mario say when he found out he got drunk and had sex with a green mushroom? ""Well, I fucked that one up."""

"Last week I tried to give up swearing... ...but said ""fuck it"" instead."

"What's the main difference between a man and a woman? It's what comes to mind when they think of the word facial."

"Reporter: To what do you attribute your old age? Old Man: To the fact that I was born in 1890."

"Twitter is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account."

"What did the llama said to the other llama? Como se llama?"