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Joke of the Day

"""What's that?"" - My new boss. He's very deciduous"" ""Decisive?"" - Nope. I carved him from a potted tree. *squirrel peeks out of his mouth*"

"Q: What do giraffes have that no other animal has? A: Baby giraffes."

"What does a White hole and a stoner in a herb plantation have in common There both spewing out Thyme"

"Did I ever tell you about how I once dated a stripper named Cake? She always used to let me have it and eat it, too."

"Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish But Hitler made 6,000,000 jews toast EDIT: Holy shit guys, 2700?!"

"I wish someone would challenge me so I could help raise awareness for ice buckets."

"I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough"

"*flags down police car* how many mpg does this thing get?"

"A new and better nail clipper was invented today What a cutting-edge technology it is"

"What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination? HAAAAAAND EYEEEEEEEEEE"