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Joke of the Day

"Stores and their non-secular agendas have switched from selling Christmas stuff to Valentine's Day stuff, completely ignoring Toyotathon."

"I wish parents would watch their kids better because my basement is filling up"

"Did you hear about the American Indian who died from drinking too much tea? He drowned in his own tepee!"

"I like my women like I like my coffee... ...all over my crotch when I'm driving."

"I heard that virus is quite the athlete . . . Ebola perfect game."

"How do historians know that Joseph wasn't Jesus' dad? Because when you're a carpenter in the desert you can't get wood."

"[me narrating a documentary about whales] look at these useless fat rubber sea pigs"

"Just watched the amazing Spiderman 2, thought of this. I thought Spiderman was going to kick the crap out of electro, but it turns out he's black and blue to start with."

"Coaching my son's soccer team, I thought moms would be all over me - no! They are always, ""The popsicles are for AFTER the game."" Bitches."

"I'm not allowed to use the credit card anymore, last month I bought 43 falcons"