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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A salad shooter."

"ME: What's this bit here? NURSE: ...his heart ME: Hm. NURSE: Your resume said you were a surgeon ME: My resume says a lot of things"

"""daddy I hear footsteps on the roof, it must be Santa"" *checks santa tracker* new zealand? *grabs frying pan and knife* go get in bed, son"

"Just buckled a bottle of Tito's Vodka into the backseat of my car, so I obviously know what it's like to be a mom."

"What if a man existed w/one hand that's a steak and the other is lobster plus unlimited salad bar? This is the plot of Edward Sizzlerhands"

"Getting a college degree is just like buying a new car Its value is cut in half as soon as you leave the property with it."

"If you ever travel to Italy, you have to try their famous food called ""Pasta,"" which I believe is Italian for ""Pizza."""

"Chinese magican Did you hear about the Chinese Magican who did magic with Chocolate? I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve."

"You used to be the semicolon(;) in my life... You used to be the semicolon(;) in my life! Sorry but times have changed and I have python now...!"

"Chinese kid was born before the due date Parents named him Sudden Lee."