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Joke of the Day

"Only 50 more days til we find out who's our next President! Last time I was nauseous 50 days straight, at least I got a baby out of it!"

"What do you call a dragon that can't sit still? A wiggle wyrm."

"Oh, some guy screwed you over? Would you like to explain how the whole male population is responsible for this?"

"How do you win a small fortune in Las Vegas? By spending a large fortune."

"What's the worst part about being a pedophile? Getting the blood out of your clown suit."

"I don't ALWAYS post filthy tweets, but when I do, it is right after I'm followed by someone with ""my Lord and Savior"" in their bio."

"Let's hope the zombie apocalypse doesn't start in Kenya because there is no way any of us can outrun those fuckers."

"""you look good have you been working out"" [me thinking about earlier when i taekwondo kicked a birdbath like 7 times til it fell over] Yeah"

"Which US state has the smallest soft drinks? Minisoda"

"Why do Iraqi police officers walk in threes? The first knows how to read the second knows how to write and the third is to keep an eye on the two intellectuals."