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Joke of the Day

"I've come to realize that if a Facebook profile picture has two people in it, It always belongs to the uglier one."

"Why did the irishman wear two condoms? to be sure, to be sure."

"I'm just sick of the mixed signals, babe. One second you're changing your phone number and the next you're filing a restraining order."

"Can of sardines in Soviet Union A man in the 80s in Soviet Union buys a can of sardines. He opens it and it's empty, but there is a little note in it: ""Not a winner"""

"I always hated weddings... I always hated weddings because the elderly would come over and poke me saying ""You're next."". They stopped doing it when I started doing it to them at funerals."

"What do the bathroom doors at the funeral home say? His and Hearse."

"Fun Fact: You can be charged with home invasion and aggravated assault if you use a box cutter to break down cardboard and a hobo's inside."

"What do you call a fast country? I ran. Which one is faster? Rush sia. How about d fastest? E jeep. No? K"

"Do other animals have signature tranquilizers, or are horses just especially stressed out?"

"Can a hippo be a hypocrite. Would the elephants call him hippocrite. Then he can call them elecunts."