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Joke of the Day

"i don't always not give a shit. but when i do. Nevermind, I don't give a shit"

"Me: I could tell you, but I'd have to- Him: Kill me? hahaha Me: No, talk to you. And I don't wanna do that."

"Quentin Tarantino + Johnny Depp = Rango Django"

"I spend 17% of my day wiping the fingerprints off my phone screen."

"Whats the worst thing about being dyslexic and having ADHD? You think you've got AIDS"

"My mates keep calling me gay. I proved them wrong. My mates keep calling me gay, so to prove them wrong and went out and fucked this sexy nurse. He definitely wasn't gay."

"Bathrooms are international You're Russian to it, European while you're in there, and then ya Finnish."

"I don't have sex with my sister because it's unacceptable and gross. I have sex with her because it's kinky."

"dispatch: we have a home invasion robbery in progress on the far side of the lake rowboat cop: *grabs oar* I'll be there in 6 hours"

"What is Forrest Gump's favorite pasta? Penne (Pen-nay)"