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Joke of the Day

"Bathrooms are international You're Russian to it, European while you're in there, and then ya Finnish."

"Willpower? Sure. It's in the garage with my unicorn."

"What do you call a duck traveling south that enters a time warp and meets itself traveling north? A pair of ducks."

"North Korea is becoming like that annoying person that always threatens to close their Twitter account from lack of attention."

"As a younger man, I used to think women were only good for one thing... As I've gotten older I've realized......I'm better at doing that myself too."

"Helium walks into a bar, the bartender says ""we don't serve noble gasses here""... helium doesn't react."

"I just want to have enough followers so that my children can tweet comfortably for the rest of their lives."

"Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across America join together to raise the country's obesity statistics."

"TIL something incredibly shocking about Germany's former Chancellor... ...he was **literally** Hitler"

"Just got nominated for an Oscar for my role as ""man surprised his credit card was declined"""