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Joke of the Day

"The only time I want the carpet to match the drapes is when I'm dating a bald headed girl."

"What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe? A Canoe tips."

"I am a waiter in need of false teeth. Do I need to look for a new job? I don't think indentured servants are legal any more."

"Nuts What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? ""We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"""

"The local cemetery has been really popular lately People are dying to get in."

"[sees friend at the store] ""Hi"" Hey ""Where's your better half?"" The PS4's at home ""No I mean-"" Where WOULD it be? Wow, dumb question."

"It's unfair to call me lactose intolerant when you consider what I'm willing to go through for lactose."

"I found a pot of gold today... Au yeah"

"Wife: [eats hotdog, spills mustard & relish on her blouse] Me: HELLO TEMPTRESS"

"Shout out to all you guys with permanent amnesia. You know who you are."