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Joke of the Day

"I keep pushing the potato button on the microwave, but alas, no potato. :("

"How do depressed frogs die? They Kermit suicide."

"My first name is not Damn Signed, Autocorrect"

"Why is a banana the most attractive fruit? Everyone finds it a-peeling."

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? No ideer. What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, no nose, and no ears? Still no ideer."

"my grandfather died in the Holocaust he fell off the watch tower."

"Some say Ambien and vodka make strange bedfellows. I say what a lovely pancake time machine, Madame President. Also, why am I a table?"

"Potassium would be the worst element to chat with He (or she) would always reply with ""K""."

"Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they can spend years at C!"

"Found a $50 bill in the laundromat the other day.. I looked to the washer and dryers for clues, but they all told me to Bounce."