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Joke of the Day

"Just one more week until I can finally eat candy out of my socks again.... without looking weird."

"I'm so sick of people looking at me funny because I choose to breast feed. If I wanna get my milk straight from the cow, then that's up to me."

"Next time you're in the changing room and sales person asks if you need anything, just say ""Yes, can I get some toilet paper?"""

"At the mattress store I set all the sleep numbers to 69, because I'm hilarious and original and sexy."

"Hank Hill works at an S&M sex shop And he sells pro-pain accessories."

"I teased Peyton Manning so he broke my phone. Now it'll never go past one ring...."

"How many Mexicans does it take to wax a car? 1 if you hit him just right"

"I would have bought Battlefront EA If the Rancor wasn't a Dead one."

"Did you know Stalin's penis was the funniest part of his body? It was real commiedick."

"I hate when I can't remember if my wife and I are in love or fighting. So, I'm like a minesweeper in the mornings."