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Joke of the Day

"I teased Peyton Manning so he broke my phone. Now it'll never go past one ring...."

"Why did the Germans bail the Greeks out? Because they took Pita on them"

"I may not have as many Oscars as Leo anymore but... I've still got as many Tour De France wins as Lance Armstrong."

"What's the difference between Pussy and Parsley? Nobody eats Parsley. (said at Christmas dinner by my 100 year old great Aunt)"

"Ever wondered what your nose is for? It stops you eyes from sticking together."

"train operator just yelled at someone to stop smoking and they said ""I'm vaping"" and the conductor said ""I don't care"" and everyone laughed"

"needs to stop keeping the cocaine next to the coffee creamer. I screwed up again. drinking a cup now and it has that weird milky taste."

"I remember one time when I was high... I asked a cat if it could talk. It replied Me? How?"

"How is a pedophile similar to a tortoise? They both want to get there before the hare."

"what do you call it when a prostitute cries while having sex hormones"