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Joke of the Day

"At the mattress store I set all the sleep numbers to 69, because I'm hilarious and original and sexy."

"Profanity is unnecessary and fucking stupid."

"How can you tell when you're in a bad strip club? It's not hard."

"Why are Suicide Bombers always angry ? Because of their Short Fuses."

"I think Jerry Springer should moderate the next debate."

"Why are defense lawyers the best lovers? Because they're great at getting you off."

"I saw a BMW driver using their turning signal! But then I woke up from my dream."

"Not picking up the phone is some of the most fun you can have with a phone."

"Smoked some weed the other night with some foreign dudes, massive language barrier... We got Rosetta Stoned."

"I used to be a circumcist. The pay was shit but I got to keep the tips"