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Joke of the Day

"I hate when I can't remember if my wife and I are in love or fighting. So, I'm like a minesweeper in the mornings."

"Try toasting... It raises your spirits."

"What do you call a make-believe country for wizards? A magi nation"

"Google just threw a drink in my face I deserved it I have no business asking those questions"

"wife: dont do anything stupid on the way out me: i wont [shakes priest's hand after lovely wedding ceremony] me: so are you god's boyfriend?"

"Whom the gods would destroy, they first give the WORST leg cramp and you can't even get up fast because the cat is on you."

"I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say ""Hey look...that one is shaped like an idiot""."

"Did you know a man gets run over by a car in New York City every five minutes? Whoa, he should really get out of the road!"

"Pretty similar... Tea is the only difference between meh and meth."

"Why was the broom late for work? It over swept."