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Joke of the Day

"spot whats sandpaper like? dog: ruff whats the long grass on a golf course called? d: ruff whats the job market like? d: steadily improving"

"new instagram notification - Girl Who Actually Secretly Hates You Commented 'omg literally why are u so perfect'' On Your Photo!"

"I asked a grape about parenthood But it didn't know much about baby raisin."

"What kind of cancer always stands by the government? Pro-state cancer."

"They ordered two extra large pizzas at work. I wonder what everyone else is going to eat."

"Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic."

"How can you be so sad when you are so beautiful?"

"What is a terrorist favorite Pokemon move? Self-Destruct"

"Scientists have discovered a new way to get AIDS from toilets You sit down before the other man is done."

"How to win the war on drugs... 1) legalize all drugs. 2) require that all drugs be purchased through Comcast customer service."