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Joke of the Day

"The nice thing about being a girl is OH MY FUCKING GOD THERE'S A BAT IN THE HOUSE, HONEY, GET IT! GET IT!"

"""The ONLY guaranteed way to lose weight is through Diet & Exercise!"" -People who haven't tried Meth"

"Why hasn't any lawyer ever been bitten by a shark? Professional courtesy."

"I went to a drag race yesterday It's amazing how fast men can run in heels."

"Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws."

"Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left it."

"Me: Can I have a quickie? Waitress: Sir, it's pronounced ""quiche""."

"A programmer's wife asks him to pick up a loaf of bread and, if they have eggs, get a dozen. The programmer comes home with a dozen loaves of bread."

"What is Chalah before it's baked? Judo"

"Did you hear that Microsoft is giving away Office to parents? Word to your mother."