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Joke of the Day

"""The ONLY guaranteed way to lose weight is through Diet & Exercise!"" -People who haven't tried Meth"

"I was at the park today by the playground. A mother asked me which kid was mine. ""I haven't decided yet.""."

"[mob about to stone a sinner] JESUS: Stop! Let he who is without sin throw the first stone. [mob drops rocks] JESUS: [picks up rock]"

"What's the difference between a Pickpocket and a Peeping Tom? A Pickpocket snatches watches."

"A short but funny joke your dick"

"I cheated on my wife once. We were playing monopoly and when she wasn't looking I stole some of her money. Then I went upstairs and fucked her sister."

"What email service do gay people use? Hotmale."

"Q: Why is it good that accordionists have a half-ounce more brains than horses? A: So they don't disgrace themselves in parades."

"Sometimes I keep Facebook open in two tabs to remind myself I'm worthless."

"How did Jim start losing weight after the holidays? He just quit eating cold turkey."