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Joke of the Day

"*giraffe getting his daily coffee* G: usual grande mocha man Barista: gee that's a... G: *sigh* B:...tall order G: Christ, every goddam day Phil"

"I was so tired during Hunger Games, I was nodding as much as Phillip Seymour Hoffman"

"What does a perverted frog say ? Rubbit"

"I said ""Candyman"" 5 times into the bathroom mirror and sure enough some woman came out of the stall and screamed at me for being in there."

"Tired of rap songs starting with MC going ""uhuh uhuh...One two one two...Let's do this..."" No. You shoulda been ready when the song started."

"I just killed 84 birds with 1 stone at Petsmart, totally destroying the previous record of 2."

"How do you stop a clown from laughing? Hit it in the face with an axe."

"I love the new Upvote noise Reddit made... Thank you."

"What's the difference between Jesus and the painting of the Last Supper? You only need one nail to hang the painting."

"Why does Peter Pan Fly? Because he Neverlands."