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Joke of the Day

"I wasn't sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and sh*t myself."

"Me: Ew, what sort of shop is this? It just sells dead birds? My cat: Pick out whatever you want, birthday boy. It's on me."

"Why does Caitlyn Jenner feel like her kids see though her? I guess she is trans parent now Edit: *through"

"R news are nazis This is how it works, right? Can i get my karma points now i need karma"

"This is a robbery In some firm, two masked thieves enter: -This is a robbery The accountant, relieved: -Thank GOD, I thought it was the IRS."

"My superpower is getting behind the person who is obviously refinancing their mortgage at the ATM."

"There are two kinds of people in this world... People who can extrapolate on incomplete information...."

"Today, I'm going to open up the time capsule I made when I was a kid... I can't wait to see how big my puppy is now!!!!"

"Did you hear about the Facebook crash? It took a tumbl!"

"What did one snow man say to the other? Smells like carrots"