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Joke of the Day

"This is a robbery In some firm, two masked thieves enter: -This is a robbery The accountant, relieved: -Thank GOD, I thought it was the IRS."

"What's awkward for a man but a normal part of the job for a lumberjack? Morning wood."

"I'll have whatever Steve Buscemi isn't having."

"Trying to open a Capri Sun is the longest relationship I've had in 2015."

"So...the past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense."

"What do you call two people having sex in the bushes? Thornication"

"I think Oranges were named before Carrots ""What are these?"" ""They're orange....oranges"" ""What about these"" ""Shit....long pointys???"" Demitri Martin https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYVrp_GsinE"

"What do iPhones eat for breakfast? Siri-al"

"A friend asked me what I thought I would be doing in 4 years, I said I dunno... ...it's not like I have 2020 vision."

"[My band playing on stage] New GF's friend: Which one is the boy you've been seeing? New GF: *sees me playing accordion* He died"