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Joke of the Day

"Shout out to my grandpa That's the only way he can hear"

"Interesting that on Opposite Day you cannot declare that it is so."

"DOC: good news is you'll make it ME: phew! DOC: ...into the the record book for stupidest way to die ME: *still vomiting marshmallows*"

"(Watching Liar Liar) Wife: If you couldn't lie for 24 hrs, how much longer would we be married? Me: Until the end of this movie."

"[at aquarium] That's a lot of octopussys to have in a tank. ""Octopi"" Oh sorry...that's a lot of octopussys to occupy a tank."

"Judging by this line at Costco it doesn't look like I'll ever see my family again. Sweet."

"Knock, knock Knock knock. Who's there? Europe. Europe who? No you're a poo!"

"So apparently in a job interview, if the interviewer asks you to choose one word that describes you, the correct answer is not fergalicious."

"Despite the cost of living... It still remains so popular."

"Finally saw ""The Price Is Right"" with the new host. Maybe it's the glasses, but Drew Barrymore looks really different."