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Joke of the Day

"If I get bit by a vampire at this age, I'm going to be furious."

"My girlfriend was going to take my last name when we get married... but now we're changing it to Clinton so we can get away with anything we want"

"Hello, pest control? Yes, I have these noisy little critters. They got into the snacks, made a mess of the place and keep calling me mom."

"Paul Walker was in Eight Below... ...and now, he's six below."

"Autocorrect is a great feature... but it can also be your worst enema."

"Everybody has their own circle of friends. Yet the police still want to refer to mine as a ring'."

"What's the difference between a Catholic and Baptist? A Catholic will say hello to you in a liquor store."

"""I'd kill you if I thought I could get away with it"".......things that were said to me during my divorce. Hey guy's, she's available!"

"What do you call a stoner that complains about luck? A Hearthstoner"

"* Runs Baywatch-style into oncoming traffic *"