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Joke of the Day
"[Fitbit commercial with me] BEFORE: lazy guy AFTER: lazy guy who had $129"
Next Joke
"42 percent of statistics are made up!"
"I BRAKE FOR PERPETUAL GODDAMN CONSTRUCTION ON I-16."
"Why does John Cena set his alarm at 1:59? So he can kick out at 2."
"Sorry I haven't returned your text in 3 days, I was taking a nap."
"I can't get enough minimalism."
"Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming"
"I read a book about a transsexual woman with a speech impediment.. It was titled 'Man or Myth'"
"True friends don't judge each other.... They judge other people, together."
"What did the scarecrow say when the farmer asked him in for dinner? ""No thanks, I'm stuffed."""