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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a custard when it goes bad? Off-pudding."
Next Joke
"If pro is the opposite of con.. Then what is the opposite of progress? Congress.... Thank you George Carlin :)"
"""I really wish you'd post more 4sq checkins & tumblr links"" -no one on Twitter ever"
"What did the middle eastern man say to his marijuana enthusiast wife? Stoner!"
"Dearest wife, The war on Christmas goes well. We found an elf stronghold & cut off its candy cane supply lines. Last night, they ate Donner."
"In my trunk is a tire iron, a box of human hair, and a bottle of Grey Goose. I'm always prepared for an impromptu crime scene tampering."
"[after lover's spat] ME: Honey. Lamb chop. Sweetie cakes. HER: You're just naming foods. ME: Pumpkin. Muffin. HER: ... ME: Zucchini bread."
"Def Need a "" facebook filter"" to prevent all the weddings and babies from showing up on my feed."
"Babies who need to wear glasses creep me out. it's like they are trying to act smarter than me or something, I don't like it"
"Why do men like blowjobs? It's the only thing that they get something straight inside a woman's head."