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Joke of the Day

"What do doors and hookers have in common? You enter, come, and go. EDIT: changed punchline"

"Purell is 99.8% effective in reminding you about your paper cut."

"Look, I don't know how else to put this but your baby is just hideous. We were all thinking it but I drew the short straw. More water?"

"My wife is constantly accusing me of being racist.I dont care what she says,Im black,shes black,it should concern me that our baby is white"

"When I was a child I played ""The Floor is Lava!"" But as an adult, I've put away childish fancies, and purchased magical lava-proof shoes."

"What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Adolf Hitler? Michael Phelps can actually finish a race!"

"What does a Gynecologist and Pizza Delivery guy have in common? Both get to smell the goods but neither get to eat it. (A straight rip from /r/funny with my apologies)"

"A Greek, a Spaniard and a Portuguese all walk into a bar. Who pays? Germany."

"What's the only part of a vegetable you can't eat? The wheelchair..."

"What was the name of the Mongolian warlord's favorite cow? Angus Khan"