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Joke of the Day

"What does a Gynecologist and Pizza Delivery guy have in common? Both get to smell the goods but neither get to eat it. (A straight rip from /r/funny with my apologies)"

"I don't normally cook. How much vodka do you add to the mashed potatoes?"

"Scientist: our large brains are what allows us to survive so successfully 10,000 Year Old Tree: k"

"Why couldn't they save the shipwrecked hippies? They were too far out, man."

"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."

"Don't get mad. Get odd. Like incredibly odd. Show up in a clown suit to their work. Draw potatoes on all their mirrors. Make them be afraid."

"You can't run thru a camp ground But you can ran through a camp ground because it's past tentse"

"How do you know a car is from Poland? The Polish."

"What do you call it when ISIS soldiers run for cover? 100 meter Daesh"

"When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the girl with glitter on her face does."