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Joke of the Day

"It's polite to stand when a lady comes to the table. I take it a step further and leave the restaurant entirely."

"2 first names I don't trust people with 2 first names: Paul Ryan, Larry David, Martin Lawrence, Saddam Hussein http://www.twitter.com/HireMeImFunny"

"What's the one movie that Rick Astley won't let you borrow? He's never gonna give you Up."

"My local newspaper was holding a contest... For the best puns last week so I submitted ten, sure that at least one would win a prize, but no pun in ten did."

"Favorite question to ask a prospective boyfriend for my sister: Have you ever seen a dead body? *casually lifts shirt to expose .357*"

"I am good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet... I don't know ""Y"""

"Some people are so obnoxiously stupid all that comes to mind while listening to them is WHAT IS IT LIKE TO CONTINUOUSLY SUCK DONKEY DICKS?!"

"Even crazier than posting photos of your food, is what you actually look like hovering over your meal snapping pictures."

"im 100% for equal rights for women! I mean so what they are inferior to men?"

"Why doesn't a rooster wear pants? Because his pecker is on his head"