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Joke of the Day

"""Who's on first?"" ""David."" ""Cool."" -Abbott and Costello's first draft"

"""Dad, I cant sleep."" Dad: [enters chugging a Monster] SLEEP IS DEAD. GET A JOB. ""Dad Im seven-"" Dad: SO WERE THE DWARVES BUT THEY HAD JOBS."

"Hillary Clinton sucks! No she doesn't, because if she did Bill wouldn't have Monica."

"Sex is like dark humor Not everyone gets it."

"How does Bran Stark enter a brothel? With a Hodor"

"Why couldn't the whistleblower leave his driveway? Because he was snowed in."

"Fish must be like super sad because it probably took a whole lot of tears to fill the whole ocean."

"It's cute that the NRA thinks guns could defend you from a government that has a high fructose corn syrup nozzle up every citizens' asshole."

"My best relationship advice: Make sure you're the crazy one."

"If Michael Vick was a Pokemon trainer.... ..he would be a gym leader"