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Joke of the Day

"They say Napoleon got the shakes whenever he put on his uniform... Modern scholars believe he may have had epaulettesy."

"What is a dogs favourite flower ? Anything in your garden !"

"I tried to donate a kidney once... ...they wouldn't take it though because I wouldn't tell them where I got it."

"There once was a man from Massachusetts And his name is JOHN CENAAAAAAA"

"[stacks of books on floor] Impressive, son. [son places pizza on one stack, soda & cookies on others] ""Yep; perfect height"" [turns on Xbox]"

"To satisfy a women: praise her, pamper her, cuddle her, hold her, kiss her, talk to her , listen to her, respect her, LOVE her...to satisfy a man, suck his cock JOB DONE !!"

"If George Washington were alive today... he'd be clawing at the inside of his coffin and screaming incoherently."

"Some say Ambien and vodka make strange bedfellows. I say what a lovely pancake time machine, Madame President. Also, why am I a table?"

"Men often think that women don't know what they want. That's incorrect. Women know exactly what they do and don't want, however, those two are usually the same thing."

"Whenever I'm done with peeing, I like to sing ""shake it off"" when I'm done."