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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a fruit that procrastinates? ...A Cramberry!"

"When I see people running to catch the elevator I'm on I yell ""HURRY! YOU GOTTA SMELL THIS!""."

"Just once I want to wake up to something exciting. *Wakes up next to spider crawling on pillow."

"Two cows are grazing in a field. One cow says ""Hey, did you hear about the Mad Cow Disease? It's spreading pretty fast."" The other cow says ""Yeah. Good thing I'm a helicopter."""

"Why did the grapes gang rape and sodomize the orange with a chain saw? They found him aPEELing."

"When grocery shopping, I only buy foods that can also be used as a weapon. Cantaloupe is a good example of this."

"What do you get when you cross human DNA and goat DNA? Kicked out of the petting zoo."

"Where do you put the Duke? In the duke box!"

"I thought I would have to kill my bitch of a wife, but then she suffocated on saran wrap. I was so Glad."

"What does a Polish woman and a hockey team have in common? They both change their pads after three periods."